Ha! it's still Saturday and I've already surpassed my goal of 60,000 words, which is over 200 pages in a normal paperback pocket book. If I can keep this pace up tomorrow, I might just get close to the end of this phase of writing my book. I can't believe I wrote over 6,000 words today. Damn. And somehow I still have some left over to write in here.

It occurred to me that the chances of finding someone to fill in for me in October are slim to none, so I am considering altering my travel plans and waiting until November to make my trip, since Henrik will be free to sub for me then. Australia's not so bad in November, is it? I have no idea, actually.

Now if I can only sell my boss on this idea. Theoretically, it sounds good, since I am delaying my annual leave so that someone can fill in for me, and I am also giving them well over a month's notice, so it's not like I'm waiting until the last minute. The way I see it, since my position demands that, not only do I need a replacement, but I am also responsible for finding a suitable candidate, they should cut me some slack about exactly when I take my leave.

Theoretically, that is. In reality my boss is a bundle of raging, pregnancy-induced hormones, so who knows what the hell will happen. All I do know is that I really, really hate dealing with people. I'd make a terrible diplomat. I bet I'd be a kick-ass emporer, though!

In the meantime, it would appear that posting a couple of photo links to Metafilter was too much for that illustrious site, thus resulting in its (at least temporary) demise. Who knew it was so fragile? Or that my links were so strong? I really should do my laundry.

Oops, it's back up again. I can call off the lawyers now.
etched by at 11:33 PM

It's Saturday and, of course, beautiful outside. I've wasted enough time surfing around and changing my turtles' water, watching them scramble about in the gargantuan weekly waterfall issuing from the faucet. Although I'd much rather be at the beach on a gorgeous day like today, I need to stay in and write. I want to get to reach at least 60,000 words this weekend, the equivalent of around 200 pages in a paperback. But mainly I just want to finish getting the main story down, so that I can begin editing and polishing it.

Hopefully, someone will call today and say "Yes, I can fill in for you for a few hours a day through October!" If not, I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably tell my company to find their own damn replacement. And, of course, they'll probably tell me not to bother coming back. Go insane from working without vacation for years on end, or be fired. Nice set of choices.

As I walked in the entrance to my building the other night, an Asian guy and a Chinese woman were talking in the lobby. She was speaking English to him and seemed to be very proud of it, while he stared at her uncomprehendingly. I got into the elevator, and the guy followed me in. After we got out of the elevator we both walked up to the same apartment door. It seems that he is a student from Japan, here to study Chinese, which he can already speak better, apparently, than English. Why the woman downstairs was speaking English with him I have no idea. Well, yes I do. Most Chinese people think that English is spoken everywhere, and they will try to show off their English skills, even if those skills are extremely basic, at the drop of a hat. My landlord's daughter has left, and the guy who's come here to study Chinese is living in her room now. He seemed excited to find that we have onsen (hot springs) up in Beitou, which used to be a real Japanese enclave.

I've added a few new photos to the photo page, updated the links page (thanks to Doyce for mentioning me on his page), and sprinkled a few more graphics throughout the site. Have fun.
etched by at 10:58 AM

Today, in a word, sucked. It wasn't the weather. The weather was perfect, a sunny, warm late summer day with just a hint of approaching autumn in the form of a refreshingly coolish breeze. I had planned to get official permission to take my annual leave, purchase my tickets, and be set to go to Australia next month. As I worked my way through the same old documents, correcting the same old mistakes and watching my computer crash over and over again, I took refuge in the thought that in a few weeks' time, I would be rambling around down under.

I went to my boss and asked if I could take my annual leave. "I've even found a replacement," I told her, and I had. Henrik had agreed to come back for a month to help me out.

But she took offense. "I feel like you're forcing me to let you do this," she told me. "I could say no, you know. Did you ever think of that? How dare you just come up here and ask me this, acting as if I'm required to say yes! As a matter of fact, I think I will say no!"

I was flabbergasted. This came completely out of the blue, as there's simply no reason for her not to let me take the annual leave due to me, and technically, I shouldn't have to find a replacement every time I want to take time off. That's their responsibility. Did I mention that my boss is visibly pregnant? Do you think that might have something to do with her reaction? I don't know, but one of the main reasons I decided to stay with this job was because of the benefits entailed, and if I don't even get to enjoy those, then WHY THE LIVING FUCK should I stay there?

I was sitting in my cubicle a bit later, pondering this unexpected development when my boss called. "It's Henrik. He can't fill in for you," she said shortly. Sure enough, Henrik called and, sounding quite apologetic, explained that he indeed couldn't fill in for me, since he got a better offer somewhere else. All I can say is, it's probably a good thing that I didn't bring my steel sword to practice today, but it sure would have felt better if I'd been able to lop off a few heads. Can't do that with retractable plastic.

So now, not only is my boss pissed off that I want to take my annual leave, but I need to find someone to fill in for me for a month. But you know what? I don't care. I'm taking this vacation, because I'll go insane without it. The company can either pay me for my vacation time, or it can fuck me over. But you know what else? Every bit of English-language content that goes out of that company to all of our clients and other offices comes through my desk. You want to fuck with me? Heh. Allow me to show you how this game is played.
etched by at 12:39 AM

Some snapshots of interesting things I've come across lately:

Not far from where I live is a restaurant whose name sounds like a euphemism for a certain affliction I won't mention here. It's called the "See You Again Crab" restaurant. I've never gone there because, to be perfectly honest, I'm not all that sure I want to see the crab again, particularly after I've eaten it. It's quite popular though, almost as popular as the "Really Good" restaurant near my building. I can see the "See You Again Crab"'s neon lights from my window, flashing all the way across the park.

Ok, the goal of a gym is to exercise, right? They have running machines, weight machines, step machines, etc. So why would a gym need an escalator? What kind of gym is this? One of those relaxing, effortless gyms?

At a corner near my office is a woman who's got a great set-up. She runs a betelnut business in the back of her little blue truck. The truck has become a permanent part of the road. She pays no rent or taxes on property. She has electricity and cable TV lines hooked up from across the street so she can watch HBO while she prepares her betelnuts. The cab of the truck is full of ghost money and she plays buddhist chants on a stereo. Her business is called "Great Kaohsiung Betelnut". Sweet. I used to chew betelnut when I was in the army, but my dentist told me to cut it out or he would sick the attendent with the really bad breath on me.

I went back to the travel agent this evening, and it turns out that Lorenzo found me round-trip tickets on Singapore Airlines to Perth, Australia for a little over NT$30,000, which is less than I had expected to have to pay. I'd have to spend over 6 hours during stopover in Singapore, but maybe I could spend a little time in the city before taking off again. I quite liked Singapore when I was there last time.

Now all I have to do is get official approval for taking all of my annual leave all at once. I was told that it wouldn't be a problem, but one never knows. I'd better not be too late to work tomorrow morning, just in case.
etched by at 10:27 PM

It would seem that I alienated most of my readers with the last post. I guess I can understand why, what with not only containing references to homosexuality, retirees getting struck by lightning in Florida, and my underwear, but also sprinkled liberally with nasty words that you won't hear the nice people on TV say any time soon. Well, good riddance, I say. If they would prefer to watch "Silver Spoons" re-runs, then I don't want their kind in here. This blog ain't big enough for the both of us.

I've spent an enjoyable day at the office watching my computer crash repeatedly in new and interesting ways, editing godawful pieces of what can only be loosely described as 'text',(one woman described herself in her CV as 'sentient'. Congratulations, you're sentient. Now go watch TV) and listening to Whiny Woman sing along to old songs by the Police. I've been trying to deal with my mounting frustration with time-worn techniques such as "Flattening Plastic Water Bottles Loudly with My Hands before Jumping Up and Down on the Resulting Pile o' Plastic" and the good old "Striding Purposefully Around in Tight Circles", but to honest I'd rather just be somewhere else.

The air outside smells good for a change today. This is no doubt the result of several days of heavy rains and frequent lightning. Storms are the bringers of fresher air, which this city certainly needs. I know I do.
etched by at 3:58 PM

The thunderstorms are back with a vengence. There were multiple strikes lighting up the sky throughout this evening, more than I've seen here in a long time. Most of them were pretty far away (Wow-class), some were uncomfortably close (Damn!-class) and a few seemed like they were right overhead (Fuck me!-class). We used to get a lot of Fuck me! lightning in Florida, also known to tourists as the Lightning Capital of the World ("for all of your lightning needs"), which probably has something to do with that state's abundance of both golf courses and retirees.

I went to the travel agency, where a friend of mine named Lorenzo from the Dominican Republic assured me that I could get a round-trip ticket to Perth, Australia, from Taipei for a reasonable price. I'm hoping for less than NT40,000, even if I have to fly at odd hours and stopover in Singapore. The train from Perth to Sydney is, the guide book says, A$888, or over NT$15,000. Yeah, this trip's gonna bankfuck me, but I figure that's why God made credit cards.

The rain was really coming down after I got out of the travel agency, so I left my motorcycle on the sidewalk and took the MRT back up to near the 70's Airport Love Palace where Dean lives. On the subway I saw a really good-looking guy. He was dressed in a grey button-down shirt that looked as if it had fit before he started working out, but was too tight now. His hair was too long, but his features were stunning. Well, stunning to me, anyway. I walked behind him as we got off the train and went downstairs to the street level exit, where he met another guy, who was handing him a small red paper bag as I walked past and out of the station.

I need to get out more.

One of the best things about blogging is that you don't have to dress for it. This is a good thing, considering I really need to either do some laundry or buy new underwear. Thankfully, there's lots of places that sell underwear. In case you're wondering, I prefer baggy grey briefs.

Dean is going out for the role of Big Daddy in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, which is going to be performed here early next year. I can already hear the bad southern accents. I wouldn't mind doing another play as well, but I really need to get this book done, and after that I think I would rather work on my next film. Get used to reading that, by the way. I'm trying to make myself feel guilty enough about not getting off my ass to actually get off my ass. So to speak.
etched by at 11:21 PM

I just saw A.I....actually, endured would be a better way to describe the experience. The pace of the movie started out extremely slow and never sped up, while plot devices were leaking all over the story, with the actors running around like small Dutch children, trying to prevent the inevitable hemmoraging of the audience's suspension of disbelief. Yeah, New York looked cool under water as always, but do aliens really communicate in grainy 8-mm images? When I saw the aliens themselves, I couldn't help but think: damn, they must have some kick-ass diet programs in the future.

I found myself looking around the theater for something more interesting than what was going on on the screen, which is not usually a good sign. Mmm...curtains....exit signs....seats.....(sigh) ok, I guess I'll watch the screen and see if there's anything interesting happening there. I did burst out laughing when one of the characters said, in all seriousness "It knows how to love; that means it knows how to hate." And I did feel in all honesty as if I were actually there, physically sitting inside a glacier for roughly 2,000 years, staring at a statue. Spielberg was able to convey that feeling quite well.

It turns out that, while Kirk can watch movies, he still has to eat vegetarian fare, so we parted ways at the theater. On the way home I was turning off of a traffic circle when I was actually stopped and ticketed for -get this- turning right on red in a traffic circle. I was under the impression that circles don't have corners, but it turns out I was just being naive. The cop asked for ID, license, registration, the whole bit, and then gave me the option of paying NT$350, NT$800 or NT$1,800. "Uh, I'll take the...NT$350 one?" I replied, wondering if it was a trick question, if there were any weird consequences..."Ok, you pay NT$350, and then next Tuesday you will be forced to discuss the details of personal hygine with Vice President Annette Lu." But it appeared that there was no difference except in price. I wonder who picks the NT$1,800 tickets? Rich people that want to show off? What kind of special services does one get for NT$1,800? Back massages? I'll probably be hearing from Annette before long.
etched by at 12:08 AM

The sun finally came out this morning, and it has been a beautiful day so far. This, of course, doesn't change the fact that I am stuck in an office environment until 6 o' clock. At least I can look at the sky and the mountains out of the bathroom window.

They have taken our Heineken-dispensing drink machine away and replaced it with a tea-and-juice-dispensing machine that pushes various bottles out of their niches and then fails to catch them with a technologically advanced claw-thing, which then delivers a big clawful of nothing to the bottom of the machine for retrieval by the person who just wasted NT$20 to watch this facinating spectacle. I suppose upper management felt that the new machine more accurately reflects the way our company does business.

I figure that, if I utilize all of the public holidays we get in October, I can squeeze 33 straight days of vacation out of my original 20 days of annual leave for this year and next year. Not too shabby, but then, of course, I have to figure out a way to pay for a vacation, in case Plan A (maxing out my credit cards) doesn't work out. Ooh, I'm a bit excited, though, and you should be, too. If you think reading me write about the amazing antics of Whiny Woman all day is fun, then wait until you read me writing about the messes I am capable of getting myself into when I am in large foreign countries that are actually recognized by the UN!

I saw a restaurant the other day called "Let's Go to Another Place". Clever, if rather confusing in its message. I can see what they're trying to do, but I also cannot help but imagine that the sign was put up covertly at night by dissatisfied customers.

Since Kirk is able to have fun again now, I'm going to meet him later on at Warner Village, where we plan to finally see A.I.

Steve's book got an extremely favorable review by someone at the Taipei Times. It's quite lengthy, almost as long as the book itself. It seems I've underestimated Steve. I wouldn't have though he had the resources available to put together such a large bribe. Just kidding! It's really a good book; indeed it should be required reading at the Academy of Strange Things in Taiwan.
etched by at 5:54 PM

The rain continues unabated. I woke up this morning to a thunderous deluge outside my window. I wonder if anyone is still worried about dropping water levels in the Feitsui Reservoir. You'd think it was perfect writing weather, but I only wrote a little over 4,000 words this weekend, and yet I feel so tired. I still think I should be able to finish the rough draft of my book by the end of this month, though. My goal is to have it completely done and ready to publish by my birthday, which is Christmas.

Today would have been my first day at the job I didn't get. Some guy's over there now, doing his couple of hours' work, after which he'll go home and go about his business, all for more money than I make working from 9:30-6:00 every day. Lucky bastard. I should invite him out for drinks and learn his secret.

I've come up with a little icon for your bookmarks. It is the Chinese character for "Monkey" (the "gao" part of "Poagao") and it came out looking like an oft-used Mahjong tile. Take it home and play with it.

I called Henrik yesterday afternoon, rousing him out of his usual hangover/stupor. He's the guy I took over for here almost a year ago, so he knows the job well, and he said he could fill in for me while I am on vacation, hopefully, in Australia. And boy, do I need a vacation. This is definitely not the kind of job that lures people with on-the-job satisfaction, but rather the benefits entailed in compensating for the job itself. I've had worse, though. I just need to stop meeting all of these people with better jobs than I have; I should hang out with those truck drivers huddled in the empty cargo container by the river wall over in Banchiao.

Here's an interesting, if a bit controversial, issue I've been thinking about: Why do so many foreigners in Taiwan seem to be so pro-independence? Most Taiwanese people support keeping the status quo, wanting neither independence nor immediate reunification with China, so why should the foreigners seem so ardent about the subject (other than the fact that foreigners by definition have foreign passports and can leave a lot more easily in case Taiwan claiming independence results in a mainland Chinese attack)? My theory is that a lot of foreigners, especially if they haven't been here long, seem to be really psyched about Taiwan, and feel the need to support some sort of cause or another, so they try to show their new-found patriotism by spouting anti-China/pro-independence slogans and the like. Another thing is that most of the foreigners here are men, in spite of the growing presence of female foreigners, and most of these guys seem to have Taiwanese girlfriends. Perhaps they feel that it is just a bit...er, emasculating to have to be led around by a woman all the time here, since most of them don't know the culture or speak the language, and they are compensating for that by a need to 'protect' Taiwan (and thereby their girlfriends) from mainland Chinese aggression, in order to fulfill what they see as their protective role in the relationship.

Or maybe this is a clear sign that I have way too much time on my hands. I should stop this before I get all psychoanalytic and stuff. Ew.
etched by at 12:49 PM

As I predicted, the ride home in the pouring rain after sword class Friday night was miserable. I took this when I and several other motorcycle riders pulled over to avoid a particularly nasty spell. On Saturday it rained even more, evidence of which I present in the form of a picture taken from my window yesterday. Needless to say, it was a good day to stay home and write, but for some strange reason (actually just pissing around on the Internet, which isn't all that strange) I only wrote about a thousand words yesterday.

Yesterday was also the birthday of a friend from the newspaper, so to celebrate last night we embarked on a scavenger hunt-like episode in which we had to find the best (and only) Italian restaurant in Shulin, which is a little town out beyond Banchiao somewhere, with only a few bridge names scribbled on a scrap of paper and sporadic instructions over a cell phone. We crossed Zhongzheng Bridge into Yonghe and promptly entered a desolate no-man's land of junkyards and abandoned lots. According to a bunch of truck drivers huddled in a cargo container on the side of the road, we were going in the right direction, but I could sense that our driver Dean, who is normally a very easygoing guy, was quietly seething that he had to go through such an ordeal just to find good Italian food. We abandoned the useless instructions coming from the cellphone and consulted a map I had fortunately happened to have with me, consulted a Betelnut girl on display inside of her glass box (I suspect Dean was interested in more than just directions at that point), crossed a succession of bridges and through more of the nondescript small-factory-wasteland that comprised most of Taipei county before arriving at the Mamma Mia Italian restaurant on Fuxing Road in Shulin.

Maurice, who was the voice on the other end of the cell phone, was already there, as were several other hungry souls, but the food was not forthcoming. Maurice went on and on about something called "Faggotino". "They're like little faggots," he told us. Minutes ticked by, but no food appeared, and the Myth of the Faggotino grew in our minds into an all-consuming obsession. Finally they appeared, but to our surprise, the cheese inside, rather than being a decent Italian cheese, was actually a softly glowing American cheese, which pretty much ruined the dish. The chef, however, made up for this faux pas with his next course, which was delicious Italian crepes, followed by excellent teramisu. During the dinner I was asked the seemingly-innocent-yet-secretly-dreaded question: "So, TC, where are you from?" Fortunately, Carl stepped in and changed the subject in order to save me from having to explain my somewhat convoluted background yet another time. I really should print out my about page and make pamphlets to hand out ("So, TC, wh-" "Read the FAQ. Next!"). Or, if I were even lazier and more arrogant than I already am (difficult to imagine, I know), I could just make an "About Poagao" T-shirt.

Italian wine was served throughout the meal, and I was feeling a bit loopy (especially after seeing the bill, which was about ten times more than I am used to paying for a meal) and extremely stuffed by the time we left to find our way back to Taipei. I don't know what it was about that meal, but for some reason I couldn't sleep last night. I kept having strange dreams and getting up, seeing that it was still 3 a.m. and then waiting for another patch of fitful sleep. When dawn finally, grudgingly arrived, I could see that today was going to be just as rainy as yesterday. Again, fine writing weather, so after this I am going to see if I can't get a few thousand more words written in my book.

Some people have wondered at the absence of my turtles in the tour of my room. The truth is, they were indisposed at the time. Actually, they live in a washbasin at the foot of the bookshelves, but yesterday I took a couple of pictures of them to satisfy my viewing audience's suspicions that I was just making them up. I am beginning to think that, not only can they read, but they are also not a little vain, because they just swam over to stare at the monitor as I type this. They must get it from me. I am, of course, their god, the God who holds the power of Raffy I ("for the daily feeding of all turtles, terrapins and iguanas").

I'd also like to design an icon for this site for the approximately 1.3 billion of you who have me in your bookmarks. Any suggestions?
etched by at 11:11 AM

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